knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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