woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
