this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
