I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
