Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
