I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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