just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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