Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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