I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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