I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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