Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
