I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
