Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
