evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
