He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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