did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
