dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
