I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
