He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
