Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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