wakey wakey hands off snakey
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
