I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's shark week go big or go home
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
