shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
