I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
