There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
