Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Found your dick twin last night
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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