That's intense
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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