My sheets look like a crime scene.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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