Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
