Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
