it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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