Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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