we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
