I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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