We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
