It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
