I wish I only lived at night.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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