how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
