Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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