ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
