Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Randomize