Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
