i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
