i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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