ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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