I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
