so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Is it because I queefed?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
