I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize