Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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