Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
