When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you traded sex for a burrito?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
