im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
there is puke in my bra ... again
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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