In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
false alarm, still single
Randomize
