I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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