Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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