Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just puked most of my soul out..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
