i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
