plz talk dirty to me
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
