Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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