i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
