girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
