If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
