Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
