THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
