I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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