Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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