Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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