I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
