you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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