chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
