She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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