I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
