Kiss
Puke
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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