I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Randomize
